There was another joyous pregnancy announcement at work
today. This announcement was made ten minutes before entering a classroom of
precocious four year olds. Being
surrounded by children each day can be difficult, but I am normally so very
busy that I don’t have time to think about it. Today, my heart sank as yet
another announcement was made. These proclamations come on a regular basis as I
work with mostly women of childbearing age. My arms and heart are feeling empty.
I attempted to fill that empty feeling by stuffing my
stomach with Krispy Crème doughnuts.
That didn’t silence the ache. I filled my Amazon shopping cart with
items that I really don’t need. Thankfully I didn’t press the purchase button. That stuff wouldn’t fill the ache either.
I don’t begrudge my friend the excitement of having another
child. She is a great Mom. It’s not really about her, it’s about me. I just want that excitement for myself. I want to gently kiss the head of a baby that
is mine. I want to hold my toddler’s hand as we watch the manatees at the zoo. I want to see my husband play basketball at
the park with our son.
Our home is quiet. I yearn for it to be full.
